the worst is over

a few weeks back, the premature finding of a "moya moya" from my niece nicole was ruled out. her mri/mra findings came back positive though for multiple blood clots in several of her major heart & brain vessels. she had to undergo 'heparin treatment' through IV to dissolve these clots & prevent a more critical stroke that may cripple her completely or even end her young life. the family had to sign a waiver prior to the risky treatment for that 'chance' can cause internal hemorrhage to nik & may worsen her condition.

gladly enough, nik went through the treatment the whole week successfully with good test results. unfortunately, some of the clots near her brain could no longer be dissipated & will stay there for the rest of her life. she still has to take oral treatment to dissolve a few of those left to her heart. that, hopefully, will be just another 2 week stay at the hospital. she was taken out of the ICU just a few hours earlier, admitted to a private room.

the paralysis at the left side of her body is still apparent, so she's also undergoing therapy. we are all optimistic that she'll return home, maybe not 100% normal but alive & that is perfectly enough for all of us...thank you God...

spare my niece..pls..

erratum from my last post.

nicole's not yet stable. in fact, the worst has surfaced. after i wrote my last post, i went to the hospital to visit her. she was already able to digest soft foods so i bought her a macaroni soup from jollibee. she was catching chills every now & then from the day i visited so the other day they had to place her under intensive care.

they ran an ultrasound test of brain & found a possible evidence of "moya moya". it's a very rare disorder that affects children & adults. it's a japanese term defined as main blood vessel blockage to the brain. no wonder why nik has always complained of excruciating headaches & deteriorating eyesight. she just had new eyeglasses a few days after her birthday which she was not able to use yet.

today she was sent to the cardinal santos hospital in san juan to get an mri/mra to confirm diagnostics on her brain. the test confirmed a large acute infarction at the right basal of her brain. other than that, although i could not get accurate info from my mom who just got home today w/ ate anna from the hospital, a "moya moya" suspected to be at her neck is yet to be determined by another test this week.

the questions that have been hounding all of us is this: why does she have to go through the same deal of pain? she has gone through several tests & also under the knife when she was only 3 years old. w/ that ordeal, miraculously, she got healed from a muscle cancer. then this? again? what can save her? how can we save her? how can we spare her from all of this?

dealing with pain

nicole had 2 strokes for the past couple of weeks. & she is merely 10 years old. after she turned 10 last jan 21st, her visits & stays at the pcmc {philippine children's medical center} were never ending.

not only is she suffering from an enlarged heart, she would develop a 'cerebral infarct' without warning causing the stroke. the last event which caused panic & mourning to everyone was last saturday when she could no longer feel half of her body. she just got admitted a week before complaining of pain in her left legs which we learned in the hospital was a symptom of a stroke. she got home feeling better last friday & unanticipatedly got struck w/ the worst effect of a stroke only a day after. she only played computer that afternoon, which maybe wasn't good for her. she laid down her bed after a few hours then dad heard her crying. i was sleeping beside my daughter so i wasn't completely aware of what's happening. she wet her bed, due to the numbness she couldn't control it. my tita panicked as soon as she saw nik motionless w/ her eyes closed. she eventually opened her eyes & cried silently. that's when we realized why she's hurting. she can barely open her left eye. she looked so different we all cried in grief. dad & the rest rushed her to the hospital in a few minutes.

God must've never forgotten her for she's stable & better now. the stroke did not permanently damage her face, her body. she can now move normally but still weak. she can't eat yet. she still has pending neuro lab tests. my tita ebeth's scouting for some sponsors from the congress to support my niece's financial needs for her medication & tests.

i know kuya benjo, nik's dad who's in heaven now, will help his baby nik get better...

a due "date"

1/14

rye took rayne & myself out. he brought us to the mall. after lunch at the burger king, rayne took a few kiddie rides near the arcade. must've been rye's 1st time to see her daughter able to ride those from the way he reacted. rayne was evidently getting used to these new experiences.

1/20

got a text from my old grade & high school mates of a planned get together. maureen inaanuran, an old friend from the same school, same section, went home to PH leaving her family at the states to visit some relatives. she sent me an email taking my contact # prior to going home. they scheduled the meet 1/20th, saturday at the jack's loft in libis. i happen to have work until 7pm last saturday but was too early to pass by libis (they scheduled it at 9pm at the last minute) so i headed straight home instead. must've been fun.. *:(

1/25

on 1/25th something new & unimaginable happened. rye took me out for lunch & to the movies...w/o rayne! & yes, we are back together. i don't want to sound so ecstatic coz 'we' are still worried & skeptical about our future together & i don't want to comment much about it..yet.

anyway, he bought us lunch at the OJ's in libis. he ordered a very expensive meal w/c cost him almost the same amount when he took me to chili's last year on my birthday. we took coffee after at the coffee bean's while we wait for the day's 1st screening of the "night of the museum" at the libis' cybermall.

the movie was hilarious! it's great for the kids so i texted my sister after that she should bring my nieces to the movies to watch the night at the museum.

we went home after the movies to get to rayne soon. but before going home, rye insisted on checkin' out some dvd's. mel gibson's "apocalypto" was out & we were made sure it was on DVD format already so we bought it. we watched it together at home. i was amazed by how ryan can almost always predict events of a movie he has seen for the first time. he guessed the part when the settlers appeared. grabe, ang galing!! {sorry if i spoiled anyone who hasn't watched 'apocalytpo' yet.}

it's very seldom that i over-react when i watch a movie. this movie kept me giddy, grabbing ryan every now & then, nervously screaming 'shit' {literally}, closing my eyes {hahaha} & what have you. it's got a bunch of morbidness which horrified myself throughout the film. ok, i gotta stop leaking anymore good stuff from the movie so you just gotta have to watch it to feel what i've felt too...

Tau Gamma Phi UE Recto 33rd Anniversary

been waiting for a long time for another successul gathering from the UE Recto residents. we celebrated our chapter's brothers' 33rd Anniversary last jan 19th at the qc circle. the event almost topped one of the most successful anniversaries from our chapter during my freshman year in UE. the only difference was that the latter was spent at the aberdeen hotel. the guest count was totalling to almost a hundred & that does not occur very often. congratulations to my younger brothers & sisters!

my nieces' birthdays

every year, my family anticipates more celebrations after the christmas season because January marks both of my nieces', pat & nick, birthdays.

this time their birthdays were celebrated separately at their exact birth dates. normally, we would combine their birthday celebrations into 1 day. nick wanted to have a party whilst pat wanted to go swimming.

ok, pat's was first. her birthday falls every 13th of January. that saturday, we went to the grotto vista resort in bulacan. whenever our family plans to go swimming, grotto vista was always the only option. well, it is huge, cheap, clean & not that far from qc & honestly, we don't know where else to go so there's nothing much to choose from. anyway, dad was left at home while all of us excluding a few of our cousins, sam & tylord, went to the resort noon of the 13th. it was rayne's 2nd time. rayne's first time to swim there was posted here. my good friend alex fortunately caught up to join us for pat's big day. the don antonio folks followed in the afternoon & brought more food.

spent most of the time using my videocam, officially. i dipped rayne in the kid's pool for a few minutes only coz she was obviously freezing from the chilly water & the air's cool breeze. most of us adults swam as night fell & when there were lesser people in the pool. we went home before 10pm so we spent almost 12 hours there.

january 21st was nick's day. i promised to treat her to this newly-built fun ranch at the back of the tiendesitas in libis. so after eating merienda at her party at home, all of us headed out to libis around 3 in the afternoon. i had never been to the fun ranch. i just happen to drive by the area to work & i just assumed that nick would love it & favorably, she did! this time i made sure i took pictures whilst ofcourse, taping the event using my handycam. the folks at don antonio didn't miss to join us as well or else nick would've been devastated. she's pretty close with her folks from her dad's side.

anyway, the entrance for all the kids were P350 for unlimited hours & that did not exempt my 1 yr old & my bro's 2 yr old. for yaya's/adult guidance for kids more than 3 yrs, there's a fee of P100. the playpen was so huge hundreds of kids plus their yaya's can fit in although the area looked like a warzone to that effect. you're lucky if you don't get bumped by groups of running & shouting kids! so we had to secure every area we put rayne in to play or else she'd get stepped on! well, there's a secluded play area for her age but 'ya know, we wanted her to get familiarized w/ the whole area. though being the kids' day, the whole experience was awesome! we ate at the big red barn across the play area where a magic show was held as well. my daughter took a break & rested while we ate. after dinner, all the kids plus us ofcourse, headed back to the play area. around 9pm, we all decided to go to the tiendesitas. nick & ate anna rode the 'calesa' that strolled around the area. i bought a cool hand bag, my bro got this skull figurine, sam got shoes & nick bought tiny crabs & other shell fishes to add in her new aquarium. she's so inlove w/ all kinds of animals that she shyly asked all her guests to buy her any kind of pet to her birthday party. she got 2 rabbits, 2 birds (not sure what kind), fishes & 1 puppy which still needs to feed from her mom.

i would recommend the fun ranch to all the families who want their kids to actually have fun. there's also a spa for your kids at one corner of the ranch! there's a face painting stall nearby the spa & the artists' works were very admirable. one stall sells candy apple which you wouldn't see in most places in the philippines. a few celebrities showed up with their kids so i would say that the fun ranch has class as well! there are 2 rides in the middle one of which is a carousel & charges P50 per ride. i'd definitely bring my daughter back there.

we went home, all exhausted, before 11pm.

mean to me

someone just told me these exact 3 words - "move on fucker" - ...then so be it...

Theres an empty place inside that is hurting me

A place that keeps my heart out on its own

A disconnected function of my wretchedness

That keeps me so hard pressed

Its a place where words are spoken you

Will never hear

A broken bridge of lines that just wont come

An empty lung that wont give the wind

To speak at me

How far can it be from home

Why you gotta be so mean to me

Why you gotta drag me down just to make me see

You know I dont listen good and Im always in need

So why you gotta be so mean to me

Do you think that it got up and left

For good this time

A crowd of faceless strangers moving on

A feeling that you left it all behind you now

That it doesnt hurt somehow

To know

( ( chorus ) )

So open up the book that you keep deep inside

Let the pages yellow in the sun

Show them that youre not afraid to let them see

How far you can be from home

Why you gotta be so mean to me

Why you gotta drag me down just to make me see

You know I dont listen good and Im always in need

So why you gotta be so fucking mean to me

Why you gotta be why you gotta be

Why you gotta be why you gotta be

Why you gotta be why you gotta be

Why you gotta be so mean to me

a gift from me to me

one of the few things why growing old sucks is because over the years, the gifts we receive gets lesser & lesser until you've had nothing at all. i didn't get a single birthday gift from anyone last year would you believe that?! for 2 years, the only ninong who gives me a few bucks for xmas has stopped giving. my dad who's as always as generous on any occasion didn't hand us siblings any penny. i still got 4 gifts this christmas nevertheless. blouses from my ate & alex, an exchange gift from our xmas party & the sony cybershot w50 which i won during the xmas party raffle. teehee....

speaking of the sony digicam. remember in my last post that i was gonna swap it at abenson's for a different color? the situation changed when the black-colored cam was out-of-stock. i swapped it instead with a sony handycam! tada!!! it cost me additional grands for more than i could afford but what the heck! the opportunity presented itself! when will i ever get the chance to purchase my own handycam for more than 30T plus? never! it's the only gadget that's missing our household anyways. our old videocam has never been repaired. the damaged parts are imported & they never got replaced.

i got myself a sony handycam dcr-hc46 miniDV. it's so cute it's the size of my hand! it can take 1.0 megapixel pictures as well using a memory stick which i still lack by the way. it still uses the tape to record videos & has a touch screen system. it comes with a mini-remote, a handycam station to plug a/c, power & usb {yes, data can be transferred directly to a pc}, a picture package software, a mini backpack & a pouch. abenson's gave me 3 free tapes so i was already able to use the handycam last weekend. the box contains as well a P10T gift certificate for the handycam accessories.

now i got to worry paying my huge bills from the credit card company. i've been overspending since my credit card's limit increased last year. well, it just got me a gift didn't it!

rayne's picture slides

a xmas & a new year

came xmas & it hit me the worst. me & my daughter's situation kept us locked in our room, together, alone. well...my family's outside, but ya know, i can barely smile amidst the noche buena, the gift givings..etc. my cousins & siblings & their friends were outside drinking up to the wee hours of xmas morning. envious? ya... i shouldn't have been drowning in self-pity or misery. i just wanted to be beside my daughter all night. she was sick from colds & fever anyways, she needed my full attention. i guess i just gotta get used to it.

anyway, my lola, from dad's side, came home for xmas. my mom roasted chicken using her new roaster, my gift to her. i got my dad a chair very similar to a lazy boy & must be the most expensive gift i've ever spent for xmas. mom made chicken bbq & crema d' fruta. mom didn't cook alot for noche buena coz we always celebrate xmas in the afternoons w/ relatives from mom's side.

i gave out cash to my young cousins instead coz i didn't have enough shopping time due to the overwhelming work raining on me before the holidays. ayn, my kumare, was so generous she went to our house morning of the 24th to give small tokens for me & rayne. i felt so guilty i wasn't able to give back anything to her or trista so i made a few xmas shopping before & after the new years. i still have about 6 gifts to give that are still stuck in my room.

mom's menu barely fit our long table. this time of year, with my recent meager appetite, i didn't gain any xmas weight! all my relatives left home at about 5pm. my mom lost her cellphone afterwards, in our own home. so instead of resting after serving & entertaining everyone, she searched every corner of our house for her cellphone to no avail.

on the 26th, i met w/ some good ol' friends from my bayantel/skycablenet days at the fort. i went with alex.

my fella ex-cablenet ofcmates, louie, marco & elton

proceeded to starbucks afterwards coz we got so freakin' bored at the fort. we fetched saleng to join us.

new years eve was a blast as usual. everyone was at our garage as early as 7pm. dad drinking with tito norbie, ate anna playing games at dad's laptop that was setup at the garage for the sounds, the kids testing their 'paputok', mom cooking, me looking after rayne. mom & i went out in the afternoon to buy ice cream & others to serve in the ocassion. most of us plus rayne attended the 9-10pm mass at the st. peter's cathedral. prior to that, we went to kumareng iris' fireworks stand in don antonio to get our free, well, fireworks.

here's some pictures:

my tito norbie & tita ebeth; niece trish & cousins

dad & mom; w/ ate trish

my rayna fell asleep just about an hour before the new year hit. laid her beside her father who slept throughout the new year's eve celebration *:(

w/ my ate, cousin badeth & tita ebeth

in the afternoon, mom's impromptu suggestion to go to start city went ahead. was there with my mom, my cousins, niece & ofcourse my pumpkin.

while still at the entrance to the start city

my daughter's first ride at the star city. the carousel

waiting for her ate's & tito's to come out of the iceberg ride {couldn't recall the exact name}. she went poo-poo in this picture *:); w/ mom outside the covered area

tired from the noise & waiting hehe; baby's last ride, alladin's lamp

my bubu surely enjoyed the night she wouldn't sleep in the car on the way home!